An Ode to My Beautiful Wife...

We have walked a thousand miles and will do a thousand more
We'll travel across the world and kiss a thousand shores
A thousand words we said yet a million hidden behind
A glance, a touch, a sigh and spoke volumes of that kind
I held your hand since then, and you never let go mine
I am thousands of miles away, as the golden sun shines
For a lifetime and more, Let us sit beside the fire
Or walk through the jungle, the cities and the shire
Celebrate this life and the lives yet to come
With you babe, in a place - we'll call our home! 

this is a great way to create passport size photos

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The Dark Knight Rises (but falls short of its own shadow)

After a long long time, I went to watch a movie on its first day.

It was the biggest movie of the year. The dark knight was coming back to enthrall us. Before I watched it I almost wondered what is it that Nolan thinks he can showcase after such a flawless second part of the trilogy. There was always a chance that the finale won't be as grande as is expected because the expectations are almost sky-high. Sadly, that is what happened.

The dark knight rises has everything. It starts with a bang and then unveils a badass muscular giant like villain in Tom Hardy who can match Batman not only in physical prowess and cunning, but also with voice (;-)). He is in Gotham to spread terror and destruction, to bring down the entire city to ashes - A shade of Ras Al Ghul? Oh yes.... there are more of that than you may have thought and you have to watch it to know more.

This badass villain can beat the crap out of Batman, often utters revolutionary dialogues, and apparently likes chaos just the way Joker did. But does he instill fear in you - you who are sitting outside the screen in the bigmovie hall with a hundred other popcorn chewing, girlfriend clad people with a secure life and a home to get back to?

Here Batman is struck with trauma - from losing his only love. He has almost gone back to the initial days of Batman begins, when he exiled himself to the himalayas in search of self destruction before Al Ghul and the monks make him what was his destiny.
************************************Spoiler Alert************************************
All that was nice and good. But what follows does not fit in a batman series as grand as Nolan's was so far. Batman suddenly decides to comeback, a cripple becomes straight without much effort or pain. Bane attacks stock exchange.Then he beats the shit out of batman and locks him up in a hole...Then with a sudden twist he gets all the policemen locked in to sewer. then he blows up a football (the american one which they play with hands) ground. While all this happens, the viewer is treated to a plethora of amazing stunts, awesome CGI work and splendour and destruction. Then finally Batman rises from that hole and wins the fight.
*********************************************************************************

Rather than writing a long post, I would straightaway come to the points I did not like.

1. Bane raised interesting possibilities. He gave away the power from corrupt government and gave it away to common men - almsot a liberator. But what follows next is very typical. Criminals robbing and looting people. I was hoping Bane would bring out the darker side of common men. common men doing what they have been forbidden to do by the society and thus introducing chaos. The chaos brought in by Bane was a forced one. One thing the Joker did effortlessly.

2. That mask of Bane actually takes away half the acting that Tom Hardy has done in this movie. A fantastic actor was denied his expressions. While I understand this was to be true to the character of Bane as portrayed in the novels, it was disappointing nevertheless. All those smart dialogues lost its meaning a tad without Bane's expressions. However, full marks to Tommy that he created much of his acting with his voice and dialogue delivery.

3. Marion Cotillard was pretty flat. Not the enigmatic woman we saw in Inception and her other movies.

4. Batman's picturizations failed to ignite that sense of awe which TDK or BB did so easily. Apart from one scene I don't remember the caped crusader watching over the city from a high vantage point which is such a trademark scene for batman. May be batman is getting old and developing a vertigo!! :(

5. Bane's character wasn't fully developped. We never get a glimpse into why he is what he is. Nolan tries to wrap him with a background. But that's more of a decoy than the story itself.

6. Too much of action, and no real cunning of the vilains. There is hardly anything in the script which wold make you believe Bane is a real man.

There are a few other points too which I would have mentioned here. But cutting long story short, there are serious shortcomings in the script, casting and acting of the movie.

Did I not like anything then? Oh for sure I did. I loved the action sequence between Batman and Bane, Bane's dialogues there and other scenes. I loved Anna Hathaway who was a revelation. But who can dislike a sexy, smart and sazzy catgirl, innit?

The free for all on the streets of Gotham also has its feel. Its brutal and engaging. The welsh accent in Tommy's voice is fantastic. Gives his role a touch of tune and works like charm.Zimmer's music is pretty awesome too.

over all verdict is I loved the movie. But it could not fulfil my expectation. Partly because my expectation was so high and partly because I wanted The Dark Knight to remain the most supreme superhero movie of all time. Because that is the only movie where the superhero remains in the dark...and is a true Knight. TDKR failed to reach that bar set by TDK - which I repent and at the same time cherish because I wanted it to be there.

One Day at Bus Stop...

He looked at his watch: 12:30. "Shit", he murmurred. Again he was late, Like the last fifteen days.

"What the hell" he thought, "I do not have any work anyway!" Thankfully iGoogle was not blocked at his office and he had installed a pretty cool braingames addon to his iGoogle homepage. He now could play battleship with the computer or someone as idle as him allday. But still, he was anxious to get on to the bus, because in his bachelor life, office also equated to "Lunch" or "Food".

Technology is a bliss! he thought.And he looked above to thank the person above. Only to face the searing sun directly above his head. the temparature in these parts of the world never goes down. And the money one earns never goes up. He was sweating like a pig. His shirt had already given up the deodorant and braced the smell of sweat. His hair was all wet. and He stood in the busstand (or so they claimed though it was practically just roadside) for a bus to go to office.

Today was friday. And the day to party, to hang out with girls at pubs after office. Well these things meant nothing when you are cornered to a city like this. He despised the city, its people, its life, its weather and its food. Not to mention its language. Everything about this city was directly from medieval age. He looked around and looked with pity on the few gents and ladies standing beside him for the bus.

One guy wearing a white shirt and a white dhoti which was folded in half and knotted near his waist. It looked like a miniskirt. He could draw analogy from the scottish national dress - the kilt. However the scotsmen looked nothing like these hideous creatures. There was a girl wih a assortment of flowers on her hair. She smelled pathetic. Moreover she had applied some face powder quite heavily on her face, making it look fairer from the other parts of her body. "These people are darker than the african americans!", he thought. At the same time he felt proud of his complexion and thanked the searing sun above for having his birth elsewhere, somewhere where still existed a season called winter and butter chicken was loved more than pepper chicken.

He's been thinking about leaving this place eversince he came here. He wanted to go back to his city, but alas there are no jobs here. He wanted to go to some other city which were cooler or what his friends usually call "happening". But his bloody project manager wouldn't let him go anywhere. He was stuck here. Parmanently.

He tried a number of stuff to get out of this shit hole. He tried to get into MBA. But all the good colleges wanted smarter people than he was. He tried to switch job, but looked like, someone in america screwed it up bigtime so there were no job for a developper with a 2 year experience.

When he went back to his city after spending one year here, he was astonished to see the city change. It had grown a lot more savvy. There were more coffee shops and pubs, more girls with fewer cloths, more tall flats everywhere. The small town was quite desperate to shed off its "small town" tag, and was galloping towards metropolis-dom. He loved it.

But that was almost one year back and was for only 7 days.
That was when a flight ticket could be bought for 1 rs if you plan appropriately. "Chance illa" now! He's been saving money to go home, to see his girlfriend - Shalini.

Time flies by and doesn't even gives a notice. After joining his job, he became so busy for the first one and half years he didn't notice where he was going. Now was the time to retrospect. He had worked hard in this city. This city was about working hard. Everyone from the porter in station to the tea kadai owner everyone is working hard here. His next door neighbour were a few 20 years odd youngmen. They studied engineering in the city, as was the norm with any medium intellect fellow over here in this region. Those guys start at 7, in unison, at a high pitch voice, to study and continue at that pace, without stopping till 12.

"OMG", he laughed in his mind, he had never studied like that in his whole life. Probably if he did, he would have landed a better job than this. But it didn't matter. He was where he was. And where he was, everything around him, gave rise to a sarcastic smile in his face.

"How long more", he muttered. One bald guy in gentlemanly suffary suit was standing beside him, almost shouting in his cellphone at someone in english. Understandably he was looking for an address and that fellow at the other side of the call, wasn't much helpful. The guy snapped his call, looked at him, and spoke sheepishly,"Execuse me, do you know this place well". For two years he had been doing just that, knowing this place. because everywhere he went, every road he put his footprint on, made him banter, made him sarcastic about the locality, the locals. The man, who was a bit elderly, around in his early fifties, asked him about an address, he didn't know where it was. But thankfully he was talking in hindi. What a bliss. None here speaks that. The man went away. He secretly was pleased at the tamilians bracing of hindi. It was a victory of somesort. The north will win someday, and these "darker-than-the-african-americans" will give way.

The bus was coming. Heavily crowded, it looked almost like a Mumbai local train. He started jostling for getting on. Finally he could place a foot on the last step and tried to hold one of the rods across the windows. His hand slipped.

He was terrified, and the bus had just picked up speed.

suddenly a darker than dark hand came out of the crowd and caught his company ID tag. The bus pushed ahead.

[Disclaimer: This is not my point of view but that of the protagonist.]

Drinking

I am a born drunkard. Yet I am losing the charm of drinking day by day.

I mean I can't drink by myself. With most of my intoxicated friends away, there is no company to drink with. In between I had developed a few online friendships with like minded people, with whom I used to drink while chatting on virtual forums. (i know that sounds like a loser but that is the best i could manage)

Now all those guys are either married or dead.

I think I need a few rounds of Vodka to kick myself up. But you don't get vodka in Chennai. All you can manage is a nice overpriced bottle of Black Dog. But office doesn't allow me to reach the liquor shop (in local words: TASMAC) before 10.

Oh my life is so fucked up! :-(

Censorship

Censorship of media has always been a topic of major debate. While many countries have adopted no censorship policy and have reduced control of government

over media, there are many countries which still today continue to uphold strict control over contents of media. Its tough to take a stand on either side as

there are strong arguments and counter arguments. However I feel that censorship should be on the part of the people or consumers rather than at the part of

producers or the government who may try to control production.

A censored media means, you get to see what you are being shown. The choice for the people reduces drastically. Moreover such a control by government over a

media may harm the quality of content that will be available. let's take an example of china, where the media is fully controlled by Chinese government. This

means the Chinese people will be limited to the view point of chinese government only and would not be able to see/listen to any program that criticises the

government or provides a counter argument to a government policy. This is harmful for the society.

A censorship of content also demeans the congizance of the viewers. It has to be understood that a bad program or an offensive program will be summarily

rejected by the viewer sooner or later. Although this has implication on the traditions and cultures of the soceity but censorship should not be the answer

to that. Many countries like india censor TV programs to avoid, nudity, religiously offensive programs. This trend is evident in middle eastern islamic

countries as well. This has to do with the culture of the region. Nudity, blasphemy etc contents which generally offends viewers are often termed as normal

in europe while it is not so in Asia. Also we need to ask ourselves, have the society matured enough to depend upon the cognizance of the viewers and let

them choose what to see and what not to? This may be a very difficult choice. A religiously abusive tv program has the potential to cause huge social unrest

and disharmony among large multicultural countries.

Often a program is supposedly an offensive one whenever it ridicules a section of the community, or shows a counter philosophy or shows the dark side of a

particular faction. This may be done as a constructive criticism as well, which is good for the community. This may have been done as a brilliant work of

satire. But not everyone has the apetite for this, and the government may choose to censor such a program which otherwise would have become a brilliant piece

of work. Thus the government devoids the soceity in such cases.


Censorship in my view causes two major issues. One is to completely devoid the user from a counter view point which the government may block if it doesn't

agree to it, thus cropping the viewers spectrum. Secondly it undermines the viewers intelligence in judging between a good and a bad program. Government

simply has no role to play in it and should stay away from censoring anything. A viewer has a right to watch what he likes to watch and listen to what he

likes to listen to.

What Do You Do at Office?

Ten things you do at Office:

1. Read google news.
2. Read some more google news.
3. Read Cricinfo.
4. Look up for useful stuff in Wikipedia like: Cannibals of India, Megapodes of Andaman, Financial turmoil of the mid 1920s etc.
5. Pick up the headphone (connected to your phone and not IPOD) put it on your head like you are doing some very useful talk.
6. Don't forget to put the phone on mute. Do speak up a few times in between of course while on mute.
7. Go for 3 coffee breaks.
8. Go for 3+3 Cig breaks.
9. One lunch and two breakfast and two tiffin breaks.
10. If someone asks you something about the area of your expertise, respond: "Yah, I will look into it and get back"
11. Don't ever get back. That will be asking for trouble.
12. Check the date thrice in a day (especially in the last week of a month).
13. Read and re-read the salary check 5 times to ensure your company is not looting you (on the first week).


Many more to come...offices are after all supposed to be hectic!

Fate, Chicken & a Sunday Evening!

[Long post warning....]

How bad a day can be? Or rather how bad your two hours can be? I bet you can’t beat me, and forget beating you can’t even match me in bad luck.

Here’s how it unfolded. I sold my cupboard to one colleague. She requested me to get a truck or tempo and send it over to her place. I couldn’t find any reason to disagree.

So today was the day when I was supposed to send it out. Once the sun died out, I went to catch a tempo from the nearest market. There are always a host of them standing there waiting for a customer. So it is normally a few minutes job really. Just the bargaining part was something I was worried about.

Suddenly I found that there are numerous trucks there, but none of them have got any driver in it. It was a curious scene. There were like 5-10 tempos standing in the stand none of them had a driver. I asked a nariel pani wala about the whereabouts of the drivers. He gave me a strange look and said 15 rs. So I understood, that he needs me to buy a nariel pani in exchange of the valuable information. I bought one, even though heavy from a late lunch in the afternoon, still I took a huge Chennai DAAB (raw nariel or green coconut in Bengali).

Then I asked, “anda truck driver inge irike?”

he said, “teri la”!!

I astonished and indignant: “enna teri la? Nee soldra daab tanni kurunga to truck driver irike soldra”

Nariel pani wala (bewildered): “enna something something…illa terila…something something…” points to his head makes a gesture of loose screw!!

I in plain and crude Bengali: “sala boka****** ityadi ityadi”….

Angry but helpless, that’s how I have felt a numerous time in Chennai, today was such a day.

After waiting in the stand for an odd 40 minutes and when a single
Truck driver failed to appear I gave up. I thought I better enquire in the near by petrol pump where they would know someone at least.

Went to the petrol pump and asked for trucks, they showed the next car service, I went there and asked for a contact and they showed me a brochure that they provide only privet car like indica, ambassador etc!!!

I decided to give up and was coming back towards the truck stand, suddenly found a truck driver appear and get into his truck. I started running towards him, frantically throwing my hands above my head to stop him. He just whizzed past me, without bearing a thought or any compassion towards me. Big city people, how ruthless they are!!

I after this incident waited for ten more minutes to find out if any conspiring truck driver my appear here or there and the canny policeman I am, I might be able to get hold of him. But nothing dramatic happened after this, and I gave up finally.

The second mission on the go was to buy chicken. Normally I get chicken from spencers daily and never bother about the local chicken shops. Yes, I know I am not filthy rich but I don’t usually mind the extra 15 bucks the spencers guy charges for the clean environment etc.


So here I was busily speaking to a friend whom I was asking to come over for dinner (the chicken was by the way the main course). I busily crossed the local chicken shops but never noticed a deep conspiracy taking shape around me.

I walked and went to the spencers, and to much of my dismay, there was no chicken. The guy was apologetic and told that today the demand was exceptionally high and hence he was helpless.

I kind of didn’t mind. I was still unaware of what was to come. I traced my way back to the local chicken shops.

And to my utter dismay, found all the shops were closed.

I thought for a little while on how to approach this problem. Then I thought that I still had two course of action to be taken. Two backup plans really.

Backup 1 – there was still a shop left in one of the inner lanes nearby. I had bought chicken from there on a Sunday before, so was pretty damn sure it would be open.

Backup 2 – I could buy fish as the fish shop was open. There was a certain unhygeinix selling fish to my utmost liking.

Backup 3 – there was this Godrej real cut chicken which you can buy in many of the local supermarkets. That is the last option, though I don’t really like that chicken, but I thought once in a while it’s not too bad.

So I took backup 1 and walked for another 7-8 minutes to the shop in one of the inner lanes only to find the shop open but no chicken left!

I took backup 2, and rushed to the fish shop, to find out none of the fish they are selling we normally eat. I could have still bought those, but got a strict red signal from home.

At this point of time I was a bit unnerved. That famous suggestion by Paul Coelho, that if you really want something, then the entire kayanaat (whatever that means…. may mean heavenly bodies) tries to get you that seemed to be totally nonsense at this point of time.

Rather if someone has already suggested the opposite, he seemed to be quite right.

But I was not to give up so easily. I walked back to spencers to see if I can get to backup 3. And godrej chicken’s freezer was there in the super market, but no chicken again.

I went to the next supermarket and no chicken again.

I thought damn with these flashy supermarkets. There is one just near my house; I would rather check that one. Being situated at a relatively quieter place, chances of getting chicken there was more.

I took a bus, came back. Ran and crossed the shop. Glared at the man suspiciously who suddenly tried to dodge me to enter the shop before me and kept my hand on the freeze. There it was. One piece. The last of the Mohican chickens!

Frozen yet fresh.

Meaty and magnetic.

I bought that. Finally, I was happy. I had beaten them all. I had beaten the kayanaat and got the food of my choice. Take that bugger, told my fist which I pumped in the babynagar 1st main road walking back alone.

Well, it didn’t last long though. Returned home and my wife found out that chicken pack had got expired 3 days back.

It was a sinking feeling when I heard that news. The same sinking feeling that Gibbs might have got after getting beaten by a legbreak from Warney (according to cricinfo he did get a sinking feeling!! And I realized what kind of feeling that is at this very moment).

My wife suggested fro the guests lets make something with egg. Not ideal to treat your guests, but then we had no option at all. We walked back (this time I took her along to see if this has any effect on my ill starred luck) to the shop. Returned the chicken bought eggs and came home.

Then I sat back to watch IPL, and as soon as I switched the TV on, the master got out. I was almost kicking myself when the Bhajji blizzard gave the mumbaikars quite a formidable total to look at. I am never a Bhajji fan but it somewhat made up for the lost entertainment that I was expecting from the master.

And suddenly my wife came from the kitchen and notified, the gas is over so no cooking tonight!! Need I say more?

around me..

This post will be to the point like a design document. This will also be quite brazen and blunt. So here we go:

1. This post is all about life around me from the last few months...to be specific last 10 months.

2. Deers in chennai seem to be a common affair. How cool is that? The other day while walking home at around 10:30 in the night, i suddenly saw two glowing eyes. First look and I thought this was some mischievous cow grazing around even after its happy hours were over. Then the second look revealed it was not a cow when it started running. what a beauty it was. A full grown deer with full set of horns - a chital(spotted deer) as we call it in bengali. I last saw one in Jaldapara National Park. Alas i didn't have my camera with me that day!! today I spotted three more near my house, and boy i was delighted!

3. Pallikaranai is the place where i go to work. This is a reserved forest area. can you imagine? A marshland which is within the city limits and just next to the biggest dumping ground of chennai is a reserve forest! (No, I do not work in the reserve forest, my office is just beside it). Come winter and ahoy, a host of migratory birds are roaming around the marshland! large herons, cranes, pelicans and what not!! I have been planning to get them on my camera ever since, but again, i am too lazy!

4. Offices are normally a sick place. Its even more so, when everything is process driven and those processes mean actually having to pass through a hell lot of red tape. My project is one such place. And we create more red tape as a part of my job! :|

5. My parents are here, so I am having a fun time. I ate bhangon fish yesterday, which I never knew is available in chennai, and oh boy, what a delicacy it was! Thanks Mom.

6. My parents are here, so I am having a dry time as well. :|

7. IPL has been irritating. mainly because of the poor form of my hometeam KKR (whoever thought of that name!!) and their ugly jersey. Although its still feels good to see Sachin blasting away in IPL at this age. Dunno why he's not playing the WT20. :(

8. Like everyone else in the planet, i am annoyed at maxmobile timeouts, DLF maximums, city moment of successes. I think Lalit Modi should be hanged for doing this to cricket commentry!

9. Its quite disgusting to see how the indian bowlers use the MC BC wordss with so much idiosyncrasies. Even if you can't hear 'em, you can clearly read their lips! Guys, you have just got the wicket of Rahul Dravid, no need to swear so much!! its just a domestic tourney!! Someone should spank thse young bunch of buggers, that swearing is not agression!! and your 5 yr old brother is also watching ur antiques.

10. Cricbuzz cricket forums have been a revelation during IPL matches. Never knew there is so much hatred for a southie hidden in a mumbaikar! marathi manoos is finally waking up!Sincerely hope, this is only a small faction of cricket fanatics and not the general trend!

11. MF Hussain has left the country to avoid law suits against him. Govt right after he left started clamouring that they were all for him to stay. Stop this nonsense. If you haven't acted earlier, no need to make a seen later, as it shows your moral poverty.

12. TMC is on the verge of doing a clean sweep at Bengal. I wonder, will it heal all the diseases that the state have acquired under the rule of 30 years by the left? Will TMC not be leftier than left option for Bengal? I just hope its not. and Aal izz well when that finally happens.

13. Kishenjee seems to be the next Prabhakaran in the making. Wonder why police can't find him even though the journos always can contact him to get a quote or two. Does this comprehensively prove our police is stupid? or there was never any need of a proof!! :P

That's it from me as of now.

Oh, p.s: I have watched Up in the Air, was OK. Waiting to see Hurt Locker. None of the other Oscar nominees had any interesting theme/story line, hence oscar was quite a let down actually.

Outsourcing and All That...

outsourcing mainly means cheap labor. When you can't keep enough gus in your office, because your business stinks, you can't rent enough office space or buy enough number of laptops for your employees or even giving them salary is beyond your reach you outsource the jobs.

These jobs come to India (or the likes of it) where man power is limitless and renewable( as every second we generate a new source of energy - Human energy). And htere are millions of millions of buggars who will do your job (be it cleaning your dirty linen) almost for free.

So basically money is what keeps Outsourcing alive. As long as you do it cheap you are there. Once u ask for a hike in the contract, oh sir, you see, you do not fit strategically into our company's vision. hence Bubbye. - is hwat most client companies would say to the suppliers. They know there is no dearth of another outsourcer.

Being an insider I have thought about this situation a lot. And I have no doubt that outsourcing works only because of this cheap labor stuff.

We suck at understanding the job or the operations or the business of our clients. We suck at understanding why they do things or how they do things. We more importantly are never bothered about what should ideally be our role in helping hte customer achieving its goal. We do what we are told to do by the customer. And wash our hands with that.

But hten haven't we brought a lot of good things to the european large companies along with us? I happen to be working for a european giant ( a mammoth i would say) company. My job is to provide consultancy and functional designing. before we the wretched contractors came in, it was handled by the company's own ppl.

with us around, the company can now achieve more htan what it could ever do before. know why?

Because, now you can put in a requirement only 3 days before release and expect to bully the contractors to get it done. Now you can never respond to an email clarificaiton which was sought during design or development and later on calmly point your finger to someone and say it was always an implicit requirement. You can now actually look at an individual and expect him to cancel his vacation and come to work on all days.

has europe ever seen a more committed workforce than these outsourced workers? Has europe ever seen a more easily bullied software giants? Has europe ever seen ppl who can effortlessly put in 14 hours a day and get back home and tell his wife how he solved one issue and is so much proud of it? Has europe ever seen a guy to archive an email from a client with a "Thank You" which probably the guy didn't even have to write rather was a part of his standard signature!!

Outsourcing is reducing the whole world to a global village. I wonder whether it will do good for anyone. At one side there are these large corporate houses who are happy to give away jobs that could have been easily done by locals to a far away country. Increasing profit of hte company along with joblessness, insecurity and reduction of spending power in its own country where it sells its products! At the other end it sends money to a country where a few of the blokes earns a tiny share of the large pie (which eventually goes to the company balancesheets or fat paycheques for the executives) and are happy to buy a levis every other month or a pulsar to ride with his girlfriend to a local pub selling very ordinary drought Kingfisher.

The definition of life goes a sea change in different places. I have seen europeans who work only stipulated hours and have taken pride in myself that I can work for 72 hours at a stretch. But then I do take the awe that how these ppl can leave the so called "urgent" or "very important" work behind and go for a fishing trip or a camping session in norhtern highlands! I cant help but wonder, are we wrong or they are?

How this sort of different working culture affecting the world working sceanrios? The europeans(or the americans or those who employ us...no regional bias here...jsut to point out someone) now want more out of hte money they are putting in. With recession knocking at the door, they want 5 guys to be replaced by 3 and 3 to be replaced by 1. work remains the same. deliverable output remains the same. but the workhorses reduce. and we to keep our business alilve, to keep our roti rozi coming, agree to every unreasonable timescales, cancel our vacations, run around the country or the globe for the sake of it.our girlfriends wait at home. our mothers forget how we look and our fathers wary of the future of his bloodline. such is life.

P.S: I know this is one of the most incoherent posts I have ever written. But then an incoherent post is better than no post. ;-)

The Pursuit of Happiness

I have been thinking lately. I have been thinking hard. Not that I seldom practice it and hence I have to blog (read brag) about it, but then there is something unique about this particular thought.

I have thought about this since long time. When I was a child, still this thing kept me worried. And that worrying thing is nothing but a question: “What is the purpose of life?”

When I was a kid, one fine morning, while playing with my friends, I fell, and I was crying. Suddenly I realized, I was crying for myself. As I had a feeling that my “self” was not in the so called happy mode. I wanted to see if I could do away with the crying part, and I could laugh. I tried and I succeeded. Of course for a brief stint though. I hadn’t paid much heed to it. And my parents and the others around me, found me to be very brave and courageous.

That was not the least true. I am a coward and everyone who knows me a well, knows this about me. I am scared of everything around of me. Not necessarily I cry though in every situation. But I do.

I remember I was scared of lying to my mom when I was a kid. So after flunking a number of math problems in class IV exam, I came back home and lied. I knew I had got a couple wrong, and my upbringing told me that was an unforgivable sin. My parents never would beat me, but still, I feared the very worst, and lied. I am afraid of failures. In games, or in exams. That’s why I was pretty much a studious student till my fourth grade. I feared coming second and studied even harder. All these fears were allayed off one day.

When one by one they came true. I was no longer the best player among my friends (not in cricket, not in football not in TT), neither I remained the best student in the class (came second in fourth). All these slowly ragged the fear a bit down. Things I could do so well, when I was afraid of them, were not my forte any longer since I faced those very fears. In a way, I won over them.

Coming back to the topic, crying and laughing became an experiment for me. I have laughed at strange circumstances where none would have thought of, though never actually tried crying when I should be laughing. Probably it was because a moment of laughter is too dear a thing to be wasted in meaningless tears. The thought that these experiments gave rise to, was of profound importance and gave me a belief which made me what I am today.

I started believing a human being is who he wants to be. The circumstances do play their part in shaping you. I am no master at human psychology to deny or to trifle at that. But I believe I am who I wanted to be. And of course you are who you wanted to become. These played a part in going forward in my thought process and ask a few more questions.

I wanted to know if I am who I wanted to become, then in reality, who I am or rather who I wanted to become. I hope I am not perplexing the reader with too many complex sentences. Then I started asking, why I wanted to become what I have become. What was the purpose that led me to it?

While growing up, slowly trifle things took over my mind. Trifle things like, studies, career, job, onsite, dollar, rupees, pound starlings, and girls and many more. I never took care of thinking about these things anymore. The other day, I was talking to my mom over the phone. And we were joking about my aunt’s devoted faith in Shri Ravi Shankar ji’s “Art of Living” gyans. My mom had a confused state of mind whether to pursue what others are so devotedly pursuing. She said, at her age, people should be devoted to God. She should be now, thinking about religious matters and should be set free from all the trifle things of life. She thought, all her life was spent in trifle things anyway. And now as she nears that ninth gate towards eternity, she should remember the One who sent her here on earth to fulfill her duties. I could not help but laugh. And at the same time, my questions which always had bothered my subconscious came back to me at once.

What was the purpose of human beings life? I, at once, realized that it’s not fulfillment of duties that people think they should be doing. Rather, it’s a pursuit of happiness that human beings are here for. That pursuit of happiness makes what you are. And being happy is the goal of life.

Ghajini : A review

Ghajini
Cast: Amir Khan, Asin, Jiya Khan
Dir: A Murugadoss
Rating: **

I did not plan to watch this movie. I had an uncanny feeling what this is going to be like. I have never been a big fan of south indian movies. As i have always felt they lack the finesse which I am looking from films. And woo hoo, I was right. I saw Taran Aadarsh giving a whopping four and a half rating out of five to this flick. I am sorry Taran. You have lost it this time.

Lets see how this one fared in my own yardstick!

I would not give this one more than a mere 2/5...THe story was an interesting one and the script does not do justice to it. I was told by my tamil friends that original ghajini was a mindless flick (though a hit) and it doesn't make sense to remake it in hindi.. I now totally concur with them.

the weak points of the movie are:

1. the weak dialogues. This movie has got real poor dialogues. especially those by the villain. was a pain.

2. A villain totally notwithstanding this era of movies. He could be a villain of 80s or 90s...not today..so lack of charm or horror. this guy can only shout and not act. he never instills that fear that you need him to do to justify the horrifying memories Aamir bears.

3. Song sequences: Many of the songs fall in to hte movie out of the blue. THere was no sequence for that Lattu song(an item song for the sake of an item song total rubbish), bachchu song (put in to introduce Asin), behka(to show amir falls in love)....and guess what all are dream sequences...apart from lattu.

4. some important scenes not given importance. Like the scene where asin tells amir she loves him. And amir gives a dumbfound look. He clearly was clueless how to react and so must have been the director. i mean a girl tells you she loves you, u just dont look at her back with that deer caught in headlights look. thats rubbish. another scene is jiya khan comes to hospital to tell amir about ghajini. Amir shouts in agony but where is that agony. all i could see is the round eyes, his egg-head, and jumping in adrenalin. there was no emotioon there... there was no fucking drama.

5. Story. well this is the fucking age of internet you moron. you wanna kill a guy, you don't just go looking for him. you search for him, you google him or you atleast look in the directory...you go to his house...anyway even if we decide to take that crap in, the story is loosely bound. That's why there are actually three scenes where that diary of sanjay singhania is read...

6. Amir himself is one of the weakest links in the movie. He has built a stupendous body. hats off to him for that. but so much of muscles has surely not done much good to his brain. the brainy and classy aamir whom we can see even in disasters like mangal pandey, has gone missing here. in places he shows his brilliance. but mostly totally absent.

7. Song shooting. The videos can liven up a movie experience. The way behka behka song was shoot i was really expecting something breathtaking to come as Ghuzharish was still left. But that disappointed me. A classic example why breathtaking locations is not enough to make a music video. The chemistry which cud be found otherwise among amir and asin, ws not there in this video. most of the scenes amir is walking, asin is walking...totally unlike Suraj hua madhyam which was shot in a similar location and was shot in the best possible way. again oye bachchu was a okay type song...lattu was a crappo which started brilliantly but then the song is not on screen for more than a minute...and i totally hated that item girl/ med student idea of jiya khan!

8. The plot was fucked up. nothing more i want to say.

Then you may ask what are those two points for if I absolutely hated the movie?

1. Trying to do something diferent will earn 0.5 points here.

2. Asin will bring a 0.5 points. She looks natural and apart from one or two scenes she's done justice to her character. she's stunning in more scenes than one...and i completely fell in love with a mature yet so kiddish girl. most importantly she doesnt look that sweet sixteen (which she's not obviously) and gives an image of a more of my age girl...which makes the sex appeal ever so great for atleast ppl belonging to my group.

3. In some places amir and asin make a great couple. I want them to see in a better movie. for that 0.5

4. More importantly, although the action scenes were good, they were shot without the emotioon. but comedy at places were real good and charming. especially those scenes involving asin.for those actioon and comedy i gave 0.5.

now then amir fans, wanna give me some blow?

Perils of a software engineer

“So what’s next?” Asked my boss.

I looked at him. My eyes piercing, trying to gasp what could be coming in the next sentence! will the next sentence blow a deathblow to my career, will I be laid off, will I be given the pink slip and told “Many thanks for your service which were of no use to the company, and you with all your dignity may leave us now.”

Was this question a rhetoric one? the answer hidden in between to indicate, there was, actually, nothing coming up. We finally  were standing at the end of a road, which suddenly without giving any prior notice plunged into the ocean from where we stood. There was no way out. There was nowhere to go. I was the puppet of a closed system, and suddenly that system was dying. It stopped circulating blood and things got deteriorated.

“Well?” Came a probing voice. From the same source. With the same kind of pre-destined sense of finiteness in itself.

“Could be anything. There may be an escalation. Or there might be a complaint.” I vaguely tried to reply.

We were standing in one of those numerous glass rooms of the IT park I work in. It was a bright day literally, although the outer brightness did not bring any happiness to me.  glass-rooms were scary. And you go in them seldom. It was like a federal jail really. There were stony faced Project Managers, angry tech-leads, and in some cases when things went really wrong, group leaders. I had never been to a glass-room before. I had heard all sorts of stories about it.

One of my friend told me his horrific experience, where one glass-room visit had brought down his rating from an impeccable top to the dirty ground, in spite of clearing all the trainings in time, in spite of being the first one to fill in timesheet. Such are the perils of glass-room. Another friend told me, how he felt like inside a glass-room. The AC can not cool down a glass-room. Its usually like a blast furnace. Temperature grows up, up and above. Extravagant jargons fly around. The youngest person in the room is really fried on hot oil, messengers of satan beat him with harsh words, and the listless hapless fellow is reduced to dusts, with all his defense broken, all his mind crooked.

And there I was, in my short IT career, for the first time, in a glass room. I could see my project manager asking me questions impossible to be answered. Obviously I ain’t a clairvoyant fortune teller. I am just a mere coder, who can never foretell what will be the output of his code, leave alone this sort of turmoil filled earth where your whimsical client may kill you (not literally you but the contract) the next minute or he may himself go bankrupt.

I was afraid. I was thinking of all the gargantuan effects my mistakes can have on the company, the industry and the economy of the country.

These days its a fashion to go bankrupt for US companies. Who knows my American client will grab this smallest of opportunity to go that direction, and declare himself as one. US govt. in turn will have to come in rescue. They might see a deep conspiracy by Indian economic powerhouses in doing so. They might declare a war against India which will turn into a world war III demolishing economy of India in turn. OMG, demolishing indian economy is a bit too much I thought. Isn’t that the new avatar of invincibility ? Like they at Dalal street say so coolly?

 

My boss, turned his bespectacled, rude face towards me. “Do you even know what this can turn us into? We will be called novices by the client!”

Errr.. Novices?? Is that what this thing all about is?

After much ado I found out…

There was an error message I wrote in my code, “please do not provide garbaje values in the xml as it will be difficult to read by our production support guys who will read it manually.”

 

It was sent to the client who did not read the document. It was tested by professional testers (or so they claimed) and they did not find anything wrong with that. Now when it has gone live, a user has raised a defect stating that the spelling mistake in garbage is so eye catching that, there has been a million complaints about it.

 

And now we were, in the glass room! Doom looked at me with disdain. A million years of zero rating if I still manage to save my job, is sure to be the next best punishment.

The perils of a software engineer continues…

Intezaar

I am nervous. Its been 3 long years since I had seen you. Since I held your hands passionately and kissed your lips. Its been 2 years since I had talked to you over the phone or on internet. Its been 1 year since the last of the emails reached my mail box, and the reply to which got lost in oblivion.

I have heard about you, in every friend gathering. I have handled zillions of questions related to you.. quite diplomatically. Without having to say the obvious which I kept hidden like a little secret like so many we had. Those little secrets we always had. I knew you are alright. I knew your life grew out of the path that I had chosen and that, divergence was the fate we had, was pretty clear to me.

I had relinquished the company of known faces. People with unknown names and background gave comfort to me. You know, when you keep on meeting newer people, you don’t have to answer personal questions. I had even confided in those people whom probably I would never meet again, to talk about life, to talk about the pain it throws your way. In many ways those strangers were a man (woman in some cases) with golden heart. Many of them told me the eternal truth of Geeta, that whatever happens is for good. I wasn’t looking for reassurance though. But it was relief for me, to let some oxygen enter the closed ventricle of my heart. Where there was nothing, now there is a bit of blood circulation.

For three years now, slowly but steadily I had to meditate to get my mind back on living. I was depressed for a long time. I was mad at myself. I felt guilty and at the same time tried to reason out my own bail. I remembered all that was said between you and me. I thought of all the close moments once the bulb is switched off in my bedroom. I thought of all the fights that torn us apart. Most of the cases I felt it was my fault. But that was too late for a confession. Or rather, that self acknowledgement was a mere act of reconciliation, something to get things straighter than what they were at that time.

I wanted to feel you by my side by taking deep breaths and the smell wasn’t there anymore. I wrote down numerous mails…then deleted them. I never called as all the previous efforts of talking had failed and turned into a dull exchange of silence.

Now that I am waiting here, at the arrival lobby of this airport, I do not know whether you will glow up seeing me there. Whether you will recognise me here. None told me you are coming. I came on my own. Overhearing someone saying this. You may choose to ignore me. You may even turn away if you happen to see me by chance. I felt a sudden surge of adrenalin rushing through my body. The tea cup I was holding was too hot to be held in control. Hence I threw it out. I looked away, there you were.

And then you smiled at me.

Rock On

I am not a good reviewer. Neither am I a good watcher. Plus I suck at memory. Guess most of my upper compartment is made of highly volatile memory stuff. Hence what I see in a movie gets evaporated with a speed faster than light. Unless it’s a real crap movie, I seriously can’t remember any bloody thing about the movie. Be it Godfather be it the dark knight and be it the lord of the rings. 

Hence I am typing fast. But alas, nothing can beat the speed of light. Now after having written the first paragraph of this blog entry, I no longer remember what it was for if it was not for the title which I have written at the top. Yes, things are that desperate with me! Now before I forget anything more, let’s go back to business and talk about this movie.

Rock on is a refreshingly different movie. For a change no boy meets a girl. They don’t sing a song where invisible musicians and angel dancers flock around. The characters are not invincible. Shades of grey are aplenty. And yet, could not classify any of the characters as a dark one. That’s why I classify this to be a feel good movie, however the good feeling is not only about the story and the user experience (err, forgive my IT lingo), but about the movie itself. It’s well made. It talks its hearts content without any pretension. It is there to warm your heart. It does so effortlessly.

The characters are played quite flawlessly. Apart from one or two minor actors everyone has done well. Special mention is required for Farhan and Arjun Ram Pal. Farhan is charismatic and plain at the same time. Sings effortlessly with absolutely delighting expressions and has all the symptoms of a rock star. At least those I have seen during my college days, those fossils, kaktus guys, they are assimilated in Farhan. Yet when he is back in today’s world, as a successful executive, he glows there as well. He doesn’t talk to his wife, he is disturbed and nowhere he makes it over-emphatic, his simple dialogues and his sincere delivery makes it all too natural. He if he wishes to, can become a great actor like Irfan Khan like Rahul Bose and likes of them.

Arjun Ram pal astonished me. For years that have passed, I have seen this mountain of muscle sink into more obscurity from obscurity. And suddenly he rises and in what style. The failed guitarist Joe is a delight to watch. He fights with his wife, he fights with friends yet talks less, keeps his pain to himself, and does perfect justice to the role entrusted to him.

While KD is normal, I believe Rob was the weakest link among the cast. Prachi comes in a similar role to her sas bahu roles and she excels. The others are quite normal.

Now the movie doesn’t have a great story and all. It’s a normal winning story. But what it gets is a great making. And a brave director.

The movie is a winner and gives us a lot of insight on how to make a successful commercial movie.

The draw backs I would say, dialogues and the songs. When you are making a movie on music, the songs should have been a bit more authentic rock music and I seriously expected at least one punk/trash rock number in the OST. The dialogues are no where near what they were in DCH. But then DCH was a cult movie. And I have no grudges to keep it that way. This is a commercially successful enjoyable movie. It is nothing more than that, and it never pretends to be!

Now what I did not write about the movie is this is also a movie about friendship. Heart warming friendship. this movie talks about breaking up, coming together back again. it talks about how to shake hands give a hi five and forget the past and move on. this movie talks about life, and living on. This is the reason I like this movie.

Phew, writing down all that you wanted to write, is a difficult thing. But thank God I did it. Cheers.

There has been a storm

There has been a storm here. At least so it seems. Dust, dirt, diversion lies around me, scattered. It’s an unwashed bed sheet that takes my weight now. Beneath that a filthy mat! Hundreds of wasted cigarette boxes and a beer can!

I can see my mobile lying there. Dead as I didn’t feel like putting it on charge! None will call me anyway. I keep on typing on my laptop cause there is none around whom I can say a word. Not that I am mad for finding someone, Not that I am sad to miss company. But solitude gives rise to questions of uncanny self-calamity.

At one corner in a plug, the all-out blinks on. I never switch it off. When I go to bed and make the room dark, that keeps blinking like a distant mirage which gives me hope. My sienheisser head phones are lying on one corner. It looks unused. But I have lost taste for music.

There has been a storm around. Or so it seems. Slimy creatures walk the earth which I trod upon. Often smashing them with feet gives me the sadistic pleasure that I not yet got rid of. There is blood around. That of the killed ones. Killed and obliterated from memory. Of friendship of trust. There is a spider weaving its net. I have ruined its effort to earn a livelihood a number of times, yet it keeps on. Perseverance lies around me. Not a drop inside. Intelligent thoughts roam inside my brain, none are listened to.

At one corner lies a heap of clothes. Don’t feel like washing them anymore. My expensive shoes have bore marks of filth. Never are they gonna get a gift of polish. What for is life? It lies around me in filth, in scum, in dirt. In endless diseases bacterias virii. None of them give me the gift of death.

Aamir

Rating: ****
Casting: Rajiv Khandelwal

Its not necessary that a movie should always give out a message neither is it necessary for a movie to please everyone who watches it. So if the some people say its crap i am happy to listen why and start a debate on this.

Apart from that, I felt the movie had its short comings. Like the plot is not so believeable, a network of terrorists so well organised that they could actually follow aamir's every movement, whether in a hotel room or anywhere they could have found an easier manner to do a bomb blast. I don't see it to be the best of the methods to do that. But I had a suspicion that it was their method of engulfing aamir into their network. However I don't buy that crap! that storyline is weak.

But again, the movie is a thorough entertainer. Its got a gripping screenplay. The suspense is kept in amazing manner. Even better is the camera work. One sceen when it shows the doll which runs and stops captures the thoughts of aamir so well. Even if we don't classify it to be a great movie, its definitely one of the better movies Bollywood has produced offlate.

Lonely!! I am so lonely

I sometimes feel so alone in this whole world. Its an uncanny and fearsome feeling. Especially when you feel so even during you are hanging out with friends, roaming the streets with as many as ten people…it scares the hell out of you. I don’t know many people who think like me. May be many do but few speak out.

This is increasingly getting intense in me. Not that I crave for company of people. Most of the time I will choose solitude than people giving me company if I am given a choice. That is most of the time. I have seen times when I desperately avoid people, at the same time craving for more. And throughout my life, the people I have craved for, are the ones who never became close to me. It’s a big irony and I don’t know why, but it is that way.

Hey readers, don’t get me wrong here. I am not talking about some boring one sided love thingy. It’s the friends you have around you.

There have been phases in my life when I have thought that I have found the one friend I want. My illusion has broken soon. Atleast three to four times I have thought in my life that this fellow thinks like me, and yet we could never become friends. You might say like a wise ass : perceptions are deceptive. But that doesn’t solve the problem that I am alone.

Some nights I walk alone the streets of Chennai. Some nights I take my bike out. I breeze past the well lit streets, the happy shopping malls, the churches, the café coffee days, the grinning couples, the kissing brides, the shabyatras and doldrums of the city life, and yet, everything freezes down. Everything just stops. And then I look around, there is none. A dark cover comes over the face of the city. Some scumbags here and there. A little law and a lot of anarchy.

When I was a kid, I always enjoyed my solitude. My little room, my small music system, my bookshelf and my own summer afternoons. I still search for those. Unfortunately none could be found!

poriborton

akash ta ajkal neel nei jeno
ektu ki fyakashe lage na?
dhnoa jetuku ure mishe jai kolkatar bukete
sei gondho ta ar baki thake na

e sei gondher kotha bolchi ami
jake buke tene bishonno batash
mati te norom hat bulie dito
gaye makhie dito meyeder deergho shwash

ghorar keshor gulo elomelo kore dito
sei haoa ta ajo boi naki? moidan jure?
dupur e nidra jeto shohor er pran,ase
chola bhaja becha dokanir chokh jure

ekhono protikkha kore keu keu,
bhabe bodol er bodol hobe konodin
niswa dhulo mesha strand road e tanga
sobdo tulbe ghorar naal er orthoheen

bose theke theke prostor hoe jabo ami
ektu ektu kore ter pai buke
nihsobde hana dichhe faka gohbor
chokh duti gachhe kotore dhuke

chokher majhe sei neel ta dekhte pai
jei neel hariechhe akasher theke
sei haoa boye jai jothore jothore
ke jane khuje more kake

ekhono chhelemanushi kotha ase mukhe
gombhir protyuttor muchhe dai hasi
ekhono uttejona neche othe shirai
nei bhalobasa makha sei chumu rashi

matal er lekha

maal kheyechhe matale
gachh bhorti kanthale
gof bhorti tel lagale
ki na bole chhagole
ki na khai paagole

botol kholo whiskyr
charpashe te jome bheer
chain khola N'murthyr
pentul khule nache meer
mane binei kori bir bir

chokh holo dhulu dhulu
dunia ke gelam bhulu
botol shes chai more chulu
ekta meye ke boli ILU
thappor khey chotkai ghilu